Couple of Funny Quotes
Here are some funny quotes that I’ve found:
“(of Ronald McDonald) I know he’s a fictional character but if such a man existed, it would be the duty of social services to warn the local parents that he had come to live in the area.” —- Jeremy Hardy
“I thoroughly disapprove of duels. If a man should challenge me, I would take him kindly and forgivingly by the hand and lead him to a quiet place and kill him.” — Mark Twain
“It’s fascinating to think that all around us there’s an invisible world we can’t even see. I’m speaking, of course, of the World of the Invisible Scary Skeletons.” — Jack Handy
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“I have a bunch more where those came from. I’ll have to put them on here sometime.” — this one is me 
Haha, the second one is especially poetic. I’m not sure about your claim on that last one, though– it sounds like something Onym Ousan said.